I found myself wondering today: what does it take to become an enigma? What does it take to act against the status quo?
This semester, I have become more outgoing, more willing to act boldly, and more comfortable stepping beyond the boundaries I once imposed on myself. This shift in mentality has introduced me to an uncomfortable but necessary truth—one that many people are unwilling to confront.
You will lose people as you grow and expand your own path. This is inevitable.
Growth requires expansion, and expansion creates distance. Some of that distance forms naturally, while some of it forms through mistakes. And some of those mistakes may cost you relationships you deeply value. It is difficult to come to terms with this reality.
For example, as I approach more strangers, it becomes easier to initiate conversation and learn who they are. Repetition transforms discomfort into familiarity. What once felt unnatural begins to feel effortless. However, this increasing comfort does not grant me control over how others perceive me. Their interpretations exist outside of my influence.
This lack of control is what terrifies most people.
People remain confined within their comfort zones not because they lack capability, but because they are preoccupied with how they might be perceived. They prioritize external judgment over internal alignment. They trade authenticity for perceived safety.
This raises an important question: must one be fully comfortable with oneself in order to appear confident to others?
Not necessarily. Confidence can exist even in the presence of uncertainty. However, self-comfort makes confidence more natural and more sustainable. More importantly, as you become more secure in yourself, you feel less lost when someone chooses not to be part of your story.
There are also structural forces that complicate this process, particularly for those with high levels of intellectual ability.
First, there exists a common belief that highly intelligent individuals cannot tolerate those with lower intelligence, and vice versa. I do not believe this is inherently true. Intolerance, in most cases, reflects internal insecurity rather than intellectual difference. When someone feels threatened by another’s ability, the conflict is rarely about intelligence itself, but about identity and perception (The Curse of Gossip).
Second, there is evidence suggesting that individuals with exceptional cognitive ability may experience poorer mental well-being. This may manifest as isolation, overanalysis, or difficulty forming meaningful social connections. Intelligence increases awareness, but awareness does not guarantee peace. However, this is not a permanent condition—it is something that can be improved through deliberate effort, just like intelligence itself.
It may be true that as you diverge from the norm, it becomes harder to find people who think like you. Trailblazers, by definition, move ahead of consensus. This path can be lonely.
But loneliness is not permanent.
Connection is not something that appears passively; it is something created through action. By continuing to move forward, to engage, and to exist authentically, you increase the probability of finding those who align with who you are becoming.
To become an enigma is not to become unknowable to others. It is to become known to yourself, regardless of whether others understand you.
I am still in the process of understanding this.